Quid Quo Pro
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Garcia/Strauss TWOSHOT - When Strauss needs a favor, will the Goddess intercede?
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: I want to thank our loyal readers that are sticking with us. I know my postings are sporadic these days and I apologize for it. I've received a couple of negative anonymous reviews over that very issue. Real life, especially mine, is complicated. Going from a loving two parent household to a single parent with a husband fighting in a dangerous war is difficult. I'm not asking for sympathy, just please be patient. I promise, I'm writing as fast as I can, but I want to bring you guys something of quality instead of garbage I wrote on the fly.**_

_**Also, we have two new open discussion threads. One is called, "Cyclones, Snowmageddon, and Egyptian Uprisings, OH MY!" Feel free to leave your best wishes for our friends in Australia and throughout the US suffering from the ravaging affects of Mother Nature. **_

_**And finally, as some of you may or may not know, there are some changes coming for our favorite show and we have opened a "Show Spoilers" thread for readers and authors to discuss their take on episodes and upcoming plotlines.**_

_**As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.**_

* * *

**Quid Pro Quo**

**Chapter One**

She was never certain how she had earned the unfortunate nickname of "the dragon lady". Oh, she had a few ideas…and most of them originated with David Ross.

But it was nothing she could prove, try as she might.

But none took her unfortunate moniker more seriously than the unique woman whose help she required at this moment. Help that the other woman was not, in spite of her advanced position, required to offer her. This wasn't Bureau related. Far from it.

Erin Strauss, for once, found herself in need of a personal favor.

From a woman that she was fairly certain despised and feared her in equal measure.

But, her need for assistance outweighed her hesitance in approaching the very talented Penelope Garcia. If the rumors were to be believed, and she was certain they were, there wasn't an illicit fact the technical genius couldn't unearth when the mood struck her. Often, Erin idly wondered how many times the popular technical analyst had scrutinized her life. Lucky for her, her personal record was pristine.

Well, that was…except for that one unfortunate incident regarding Rossi over twenty years ago, and she suspected that information hadn't been used due to in an effort to preserve David's reputation rather than her own.

Pausing outside the threshold to Garcia's office, Erin straightened her spine and stiffening her shoulders. Inhaling deeply, she reminded herself that the worst Ms. Garcia could do was simply refuse her request. And although she wasn't accustomed to hearing the word no on a regular basis, she would learn to live with the rebuff. Lifting her hand, she tapped on the door before she could change her mind.

"Enter, mortal, the goddess feels ambivalent this day," a bright voice chirped from behind the door.

Raising an eyebrow at the greeting, Erin blinked as she tilted her head, attempting to decipher the cryptic statement. Was that code for "come in"? Quickly deciding that what she'd heard had to be an invitation, she twisted the knob and stepped inside the brightly painted office. The EXTREMELY bright office.

While it was true that individuals with assigned office locations had the right to alter the surroundings or paint to suit their individual tastes, Erin had never seen a room quite so...enthusiastic. Walls were covered in bright yellow, with various prints splashed with equally vibrant colors, and for a few moments, Erin felt as though she'd entered into an alternate universe. And she was being watched.

By troll dolls. All over the room!

"Ahem," Erin cleared her throat, trying to ignore the way the flower pens in the vase on Garcia's desk seemed to actually be growing with each passing second. Didn't the Bureau provide Bics in the supply room? "Ms. Garcia, I was hoping you could spare me a moment."

Back stiffening as she heard the feminine voice of the devil incarnate invade her sanctuary, Penelope turned cautiously, her full indigo skirt sliding around her legs with a swish. "Section Chief Strauss," she said stiffly, the easy chipperness eclipsed now from her oh so neutral voice. "How may I help you? Is there a new case? Because I assure you I've been through all the current files and..."

"No, no," Erin stopped the flow of words as she waved her hand. "You're doing a fine job assigning cases to the BAU. Excellent, in fact."

"Not as good as my predecessor," Pen mumbled, her eyes narrowing as she mentally cast a curse on the woman responsible for the missing member of their team.

Controlling the wince that threatened to escape, Erin briefly considered bolting. She'd forgotten the rather pertinent fact that the woman she'd transferred to the Department of Defense, Jennifer Jareau, had been Garcia's best friend. And she had a distinct feeling that Garcia was not going to be in an understanding mood and ready to grant favors any time soon.

"Yes," Erin acknowledged as she nodded, once again straightening her shoulders. "JJ was extremely talented. I hear she's doing excellent in her new position at DOD," she offered weakly, forcing a smile to her almost numb lips.

"Makes seeing my godson harder...not sharing the same hours and all," Penelope replied tightly, her face not quite a sneer, but close. Crossing her arms over her ample bosom, she glared at the Section Chief as she attempted to determine what had brought the wicked witch of the west to her section of Oz.

"Penelope, may I speak freely?" Erin asked evenly, hoping to ease open the door of congeniality.

"Only if I may as well, without repercussions," Pen replied evenly, smiling sweetly.

"Of course," Erin agreed immediately as she nodded.

"Good. If this isn't business, Dragon Lady, why are you darkening my door?" Penelope asked bluntly. "I burn incense to keep the evil spirits away, you know. And I have a voodoo priestess cleanse my office twice a year. YOU shouldn't have been able to enter the door," Garcia informed the Section Chief bluntly, reminding herself to request a refund from the spirits forthwith.

"I see," Erin replied tightly, rapidly believing she'd made a rather large mistake in coming here. But options were limited, she reminded herself sternly, and private investigators were notoriously slow. She was going to have to bite the bullet and attempt to sway this woman to her side, the consequences be damned.

"I sincerely doubt that," Pen snorted, popping up out of her chair and propping one hand on her hip.

"You really do not like me at all, do you?" Erin asked rhetorically, deciding that her chances of answers to her questions were becoming more and more distant. And if she had nothing to lose, then she was going to throw caution to the wind and at least learn a few things along the way.

Raising one eyebrow as she blew a flyaway red curl from her face, Penelope narrowed her eyes. "Do you really need an answer to that question?"

"No, I suppose not," Erin muttered, sighing as she felt her left eye start to twitch. "Which makes what I'm about to ask from you that much more difficult."

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_**Dedicated to Our Brave Men and Women Fighting Overseas!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: I want to thank our loyal readers that are sticking with us. I know my postings are sporadic these days and I apologize for it. I've received a couple of negative anonymous reviews over that very issue. Real life, especially mine, is complicated. Going from a loving two parent household to a single parent with a husband fighting in a dangerous war is difficult. I'm not asking for sympathy, just please be patient. I promise, I'm writing as fast as I can, but I want to bring you guys something of quality instead of garbage I wrote on the fly.**_

_**Also, we have two new open discussion threads. One is called, "Cyclones, Snowmageddon, and Egyptian Uprisings, OH MY!" Feel free to leave your best wishes for our friends in Australia and throughout the US suffering from the ravaging affects of Mother Nature. **_

_**And finally, as some of you may or may not know, there are some changes coming for our favorite show and we have opened a "Show Spoilers" thread for readers and authors to discuss their take on episodes and upcoming plotlines.**_

_**As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.**_

* * *

**Quid Pro Quo**

**Chapter Two**

"You want something? From me?" Pen asked incredulously, eyebrows flying to her hairline as she stared at the taller woman.

"I do," Erin admitted as she nodded. "Something very important and not exactly...Bureau sanctioned."

Eyes widening as she absorbed that simple statement, Pen cocked her head. "You want me to break rules?" Narrowing one eye, she asked bluntly, "Am I being set up? Tested? Is this a sting?"

"No, Ms. Garcia, it is not. I need you to work whatever that computer magic it is that you do and find out if my daughter's boyfriend, excuse me...her fiancé, is...acceptable."

"Acceptable, like how?" Pen snorted, rolling her eyes as she pursed her painted lips. "Are we talking acceptable like as in bloodlines...or acceptable like is he a deranged killer in disguise?"

"Neither. I'm not sure he's an appropriate fit for my little girl," Erin declared uncomfortably, shifting on her Jimmy Choos.

Blinking quickly as she felt the universe suddenly shift out of known alignment, Penelope breathed, "Oh my God! You almost sounded..."

"Maternal?" Erin supplied dryly, her lips quirking.

"No, human," Penelope replied bluntly, slightly awestruck.

"Erhmm, I assure you that I have warm blood running through my veins, Ms. Garcia." She knew she'd developed a reputation for being somewhat cold, but she had never imagined it to be nothing quite so...icy.

"Well, there goes the bet that it was either ice or snake venom in there," Garcia declared as she shrugged, privately thinking that perhaps she needed to ask the woman to open a vein and prove her claim. Cocking an eyebrow, she eyed Strauss warily, considering the options that had been laid before her. "So, in short, you're telling me that you want a spy."

"I want to make sure my daughter is safe. Her affianced has quite a former reputation, Ms. Garcia. I'm loathe to see my Catherine made a fool of."

Moving toward her computer table, Penelope tapped a green tipped nail against it idly. "Quid pro quo, Clarice."

"Pardon?" Erin sputtered, her eyes widening as she stared at the brightly colored blonde.

"I help you, but what do I get for this "favor"?" Penelope asked archly. "Benevolent actions are reserved for the deserving of which you are..."

"Not?" Erin rolled her eyes.

"Very Astute, Chief," Penelope smiled, all teeth.

"What would you consider an equitable trade, Penelope?" Erin asked tiredly, leaning against the nearby desk.

"JJ," Pen replied automatically, taking a step forward as she laid her proverbial cards on the even more proverbial table. "I want her back."

"Impossible," Erin said softly, her blue eyes meeting Garcia's glittering orbs squarely. "In addition to JJ's own possible objections regarding the matter, the Secretary of Defense would never go for it. I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," Garcia grumbled, hands on hips as she prepared to wage battle with the forces of darkness. "But fine, I'll make a counter-offer. I want our team to have ten free passes. Whatever means they choose to use...no matter what press they garner...you back them up with a smile and a song in your heart."

"Technical Analyst Garcia!" Erin gasped, already shaking her head in the negative direction.

"You know, fifteen looks like an even better number to me," Pen murmured tapping her chin as she looked up at the ceiling. "Twenty, if I find actual dirt on your kid's boy toy."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a master negotiator, Ms. Garcia?" Erin ground out, knowing her options were severely limited in spite of her earlier denial.

"I work with a bunch of profilers. I mighta picked up a trick or two," Pen said happily as she grinned. "Do we have a deal, Chief Strauss?"

"We do," Erin Strauss sighed, then nodded at Garcia's laptop. "Please work your...I believe the word is...mojo?"

Pulling out a chair, Penelope plopped down, pulling her keyboard toward her. "Name?" she asked, her fingers poised.

"Hamilton Denton Saunders III," Erin replied, forcing herself to keep her voice even as she spoke the name of the man who was attempting to steal her child from her.

"Pretentious, much?" Pen smirked.

"Very," Erin agreed, her thoughts of her daughters current amore sending a shiver of distaste down her spine.

Clicking and tapping, Garcia murmured, scanning her screen "He's clean on the surface."

"I know," Erin replied, taking a step closer to the genius. "I was capable of looking at the surface, Ms. Garcia. That's why I came to you."

"Don't they all," Penelope agreed, furiously tapping, stopping abruptly. "I...uhmm...your future son-in-law hasn't happened to mention his family, has he?"

"He says they died years ago," Erin said as she shrugged. "He's very evasive about the subject.

"He would be. He's from one of the leading families in Serbia. One that committed a whole host of atrocities during the war, Chief Strauss."

"Maybe he's disowned them and prefers to think them dead," Strauss offered, leaning forward to peer over Garcia's shoulder.

"Maybe," Garcia muttered, narrowing her eyes as she quickly scanned the rapidly populating data. "But that doesn't explain the twice daily encrypted cell phone calls he makes to his father every day, lasting anywhere from half an hour to three. The father is in hiding. He's wanted for war crimes."

"So, it's much more likely he's looking for a way out of Serbia for his father and using my daughter to do it," Erin seethed, crossing her arms over her chest as she imagined the horrors about to befall her family.

Nodding, Penelope glanced up at Erin Strauss as she printed the incriminating documents. "Look, Chief, on a personal level, I think you're the definition of evil, but you can't let your kid marry this guy. HIS dad IS the devil...and I've gotta feeling the grandbabies would be little minions."

Lifting her chin defiantly, Erin shook her head. "Don't worry about that, Ms. Garcia. Having my family connected to anything this sick will happen over my dead body. Mr. Staunton and I will be having a very private conversation where I explain that either he vacates my daughter's life or these files find their way into the war tribunal's hands."

"You're gonna threaten a Serbian kingpin?" Pen gawked.

Smiling coldly, Erin tilted her head. "Perhaps there is a tinge of ice in my veins after all. Those free passes are at your discretion, Ms. Garcia. And for this," Erin smiled, lifting the papers, "You get twenty. Thank you."

"Yes, ma'am," Penelope whispered, honestly frightened by the look in the elder woman's eyes. Erin Strauss might be one of the vilest women on earth, that was true. But Garcia had to give credit where credit was due.

That woman had stones.

_**Finis**_

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_**Dedicated to My Husband.**_


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